My Story - Part Five

In late winter 1991, I found out that one of the direct service staff members was leaving the organization. In May and June, the executive director started interviewing candidates for the position. I was interviewed. On Friday, June 14, 1991, I asked the director if she had made her decision. She told me to come with her. She offered me the job. I told her that it was the best damn birthday gift I had ever gotten. (My 27th birthday was the next day.) I told her that I wanted to start the following Monday. On Monday, June 17, 1991, I became employed for the first time in my life.

On May 15, 1991, my maternal grandmother passed away. She had been sick with an infection that the doctors couldn’t diagnose. My grandmother had a variety of health problems, including arthritis as well as spinal stenosis (narrowing of the spinal column). She had been living in a nursing home since August 1990. In 1987, my grandmother has moved out of her home where she had lived for thirty-one years. Her health was failing and she needed a place to live where she could manage much better. She moved into an assisted living apartment. She lived in the apartment from December 1987 until August 1990.

In July 1991, my paternal grandfather died at a hospital in Lawrence KS. I will never forget the morning of July 22, 1991. The phone rang as I was getting ready for work. It was the wife of my oldest male cousin on my dad’s side. She said that our grandfather had just passed away. My dad had already left for work. I had to get Mom up so she could contact my dad. My grandfather had been in poor health for many years. He surprised many family members because he outlived his five brothers.

In September 1991, I bought my first computer. I had no idea how to use it. In fact, I didn’t even know how to change directories. It wasn’t long until I was using the computer like a pro.

In the fall of 1991, my mom found her birthmother. My mom found her adoption papers in August 1990 when she moved my grandmother from the apartment to the nursing home. She thought her parents had gotten rid of them. The papers had been with my grandmother’s sister and brother-in-law for many years until they returned them. My mom searched off and on for the next year or so. She even wrote to a judge in the state where the adoption had been done. But the judge denied her request to open her file. Through some luck, my mom found a person in the city where she had lived during much of her childhood. The person had all the adoption records from the place where my mom had been adopted from. On October 1, 1991, my mom went back to her hometown and spoke with the person who had the records. In a matter of a couple of hours of arriving in the city, my mom found her birthmother. She spoke with her on the phone that day. In November 1991, my mom and her birthmother met in California on Sunday, November 10th. I met my grandmother the following March when she came to visit. I remember walking in the door and giving her the biggest hug. She has been part of my life ever since 1991.

In October 1991, I decided that it was time to go back and finish the rest of my reconstruction. All’s I wanted done was to have my columella rebuilt. I called the plastic surgeon’s office and found out that Dr. Tessier was in town. No one had bothered to tell me that he was coming to KC. I eventually went and saw Dr. McCoy in December 1991. By mid January 1992, I had a surgery date. The surgery was scheduled in two stages. The first stage was done on Tues., Jan. 28th, my parents’ 32nd wedding anniversary. During the first stage, Dr. McCoy created my new columella with skin from the fold of my right cheek. That skin was tunneled under the right side of my nose and up to the bottom of the tip of my nose. The skin would stay attached for the next three weeks so the blood supply could be established. There was a hole in the side of my nose that no one could see because I covered it with a bandage. During the three-weeks, I went back to work and out to other public places. On Tues., Feb. 18th, Dr. McCoy detached the pedicle of skin. The columella stayed attached. I would need more surgery later. The night of the second procedure, I was online for the very first time.

In spring/summer 1992, things began a long decline at work. There was a lot of office politics happening. The working environment went from good to bad in a matter of months. (I am not dwelling on this part because it is a rather painful chapter in my life and I have moved on to another employer.) It all came to a climax in December 1996 when I was laid off from my job of five and a half years.

In May 1992, I moved into my first apartment. I lived in my own apartment for a little over a year. I moved out for personal reasons related to my job at the time.

While I lived in the apartment, I adopted a little kitten that one of my friends was fostering. Callie was born in late August 1992. Despite living in an apartment that allowed no pets, I still took Callie home to live with me. I didn’t care. I never got in trouble for having her. Everytime I have moved, Callie has come with me. Callie is spayed and de-clawed. She is a very small cat who weighs less than six pounds. And Callie is very ornery.

In June 1993, Dr. McCoy retired. It was like losing a family member. Dr. McCoy had helped my parents in so many ways. He referred me to Dr. Jeffrey W. Colyer. Dr. Colyer was still doing his residency at the time and was planning to study craniofacial surgery out of the city for a year. It was very hard to transition to a new plastic surgeon.

In July 1993, my mom was diagnosed with an ovarian mass. It really frightened all of us. On Monday, July 26th, my mom underwent surgery to remove the mass. It turned out to be benign. I can remember the gynecologist coming and talking to my dad and I after the surgery. You cannot believe how relieved I was that the mass was not cancerous. My mom had a total hysterectomy due to the mass. Eight weeks later, she and my dad went to California for a month.

In the fall of 1993, my next-to-the-oldest brother met a co-worker who would become his future wife. My brother had been married in May 1986 but the marriage ended in divorce in early 1989. He was married on Saturday, January 1, 1994, in my parents’ home. It was a beautiful ceremony and will be long remembered.

Before my brother and sister-in-law got married, my sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to move in with them. She eventually worked for a few months in the same building where I was working. In June 1994, she got another job in another location. In late march 1994, my sister-in-law found out that she was pregnant. I lived with my brother and sister-in-law for another five months. I had to move out to make room for the baby. I decided to move into my parents’ home then. (I still live at home and don’t mind it.)

On Saturday, November 12, 1994, Ally was born at 11:34 AM. Several family members and I were in the waiting room waiting for Ally’s arrival. Less than thirty minutes after her birth, we were visiting the proud new parents. I held Ally before my mom did.

In February 1995, I bought my second computer. It was much faster than the other one.

In 1995, I spent quite a bit of time travelling. I visited friends in Ohio twice and family in California once. I also did some business travelling as well.

On Saturday, July 15, 1995, my youngest brother married for the second time. His first marriage ended in divorce. He and his wife were married in his wife’s parents’ home.

In the fall of 1995, my mom finally convinced me to contact Dr. Jeffrey Colyer. I had stalled because I hated the idea of going to a new plastic surgeon. In October 1995, I finally went to Dr. Colyer. I am glad that I did. I liked him right away. It took four months for the HMO to approve a referral to him. At first the HMO wanted to refer me to ENT for reconstruction of my columella and I told them that I would take nothing less than a referral to Dr. Colyer. It took the threat of legal action for the HMO to do it.

On Thursday, March 7, 1996, I witnessed the birth of my niece, Kayla. My youngest brother had asked me several months beforehand if I wanted to videotape the birth of the baby. It is an experience that I can never really describe and will never forget.

One week after Kayla was born, my paternal grandmother became seriously ill. She had a hole in her colon. A surgeon operated on her to close the leak. But it proved futile. On Wednesday, May 1, 1996, my grandmother died of complications from peritonitis. I went down to visit my grandmother when she was in the hospital in April 1996. It was the last time I ever saw her alive. I still miss her to this day.

Due to schedules and the long referral process, I did not have my surgery until Monday, May 20, 1996. During the surgery, Dr. Colyer opened up my nostrils more. For the next two and a half years, I had to use nasal stents, which were long tubes that went into each nostril.

Not long after the surgery in May 1996, I found a place online to discuss clefting issues. I was involved with the group for quite sometime until I left two years later. During that period, I met others who felt so differently about themselves than I did about myself. I found that many of them did not have support from home or school when growing up. I also found that many people with clefts had been taunted in school, something that I never experienced much of.

In June 1996, the oldest granddaughter of a close family friend had surgery to remove her cancerous thyroid. It was a shock to all of us.

In August 1996, I returned for a visit to California. My mom and I spent a glorious nine days in southern California.

About the time I went to California that year, I had a position change at the place where I worked. I went from providing direct services to people with disabilities to providing information and referral. I welcomed the position change.

During the fall of 1996, things went from bad to worse at work. Staff from another agency was brought in to help organize the place where I worked. The staff that came in treated the staff where I worked negatively. I was so stressed by the time Thanksgiving came around that year.

In November 1996, I traveled to Florida to meet a man that I had met online. We had started cyber-dating the previous month. It was not my first cyber-relationship. I had cyber-dated a man about a couple of years younger than me for a few months. That relationship ended the night before my paternal grandmother passed away. The relationship with the man in Florida was short-lived. He moved to another part of the country and I lost my job of five-and-a-half years.

In late December 1996, I took vacation time. I had asked for the time off months before. I was feeling very stressed and had decided that I was going to quit the following summer to look for other employment and possibly returning to school to get a degree in computer technology. I did have to go in to work one day while I was off to take care of some business. That was on Monday, December 30th. I had no inkling of what was about to happen the following day. On Tuesday, December 31, 1996, I was on the phone with someone from Canada. While I was on the phone, a letter arrived by courier. I opened up the envelope and read the letter. The letter stated that my layoff was effective immediately. At first, I was shocked at being laid off. Then a big relief came over me. I did have some anger over how I received my layoff notice but it was short-lived.